Imagine that you’re standing in a rose garden, hand-in-hand with a child. Carefully and calmly, you demonstrate how to avoid the thorns, then plunge your face into the sweet-smelling blooms. The child does the same, and the two of you start laughing. Suddenly, stopping to smell the roses is no cliche. It’s a moment of shared joy you both will remember for the rest of your lives.
A parent who’s indulged in a moment like this probably won’t tell you about their rewarding, mindful parenting experience. It is extremely likely that they’ll say it was one of the best times they ever had with a kid. When you look back at your own childhood, which memories stand out, the big, showy ones of weddings and vacations or the smaller, warmer ones of an adult who shared a fun activity with you or listened attentively to something you had to say?
Those examples skim the surface of the many facets of mindfulness that can help parents and kids navigate the day with everyone’s stress levels and self-esteem still reasonably intact at bedtime.
Forms of mindfulness that support good parenting include:
- Active listening, which includes focusing on the child, being nonjudgmental, thinking before you speak, and not losing your temper
- Meditation and breathing techniques
- Mindful eating practices
- Practicing self-care and modeling it as an example to the child
- Remembering that sometimes “good enough” is just fine and that neither parents nor kids are perfect
When Disabilities are Involved, Mindful Parenting is Crucial
Mindful parenting is especially important in families of children with disabilities. Learning to take a breath and be in the moment with a child who is on the spectrum, has ADHD, or other forms of neurodivergence is crucial. The challenges might be physical disabilities instead.
According to this article published by the Child Mind Institute, a deep breath, coupled with a conscious decision to stay calm, triggers helpful reactions from the brain. The simple act of a slow, inward breath and a matter-of-fact acknowledgment that the situation is difficult help keep us calm. The more often we respond in this way, the more likely it is that children will learn to do the same, because our reactions to it aren’t escalating their challenging behavior.
Giving yourself credit for doing your best and remembering that your child is probably doing their best prevents stress. It’s a reminder that, instead of adversaries, you’re in this together, even if your child’s actions don’t make it seem that way.
It’s not uncommon for parents of neurodiverse children to find that they, too, are neurodiverse. Remember that neurodiversity can lead to challenging behaviors, but it can also be the reason behind many people’s most exciting gifts, such as focus, creativity, and problem-solving. Simone Biles, Daniel Radcliff, and Billie Eilish are neurodivergent. Getting your head in the game to develop solutions, even if it means tweaking your approach to bedtime and meals, can help tremendously.
And it’s not only parents who can interact mindfully with children; extended family, childcare providers, teachers, and family friends can do it, too.
In Some Ways, They’ll Always Be Our Babies
When my daughter was in college, she experienced her first serious breakup. When I found her sobbing, I tucked her into my bed and held her until she fell asleep. It had been years since I’d held my sleeping daughter, but making a quiet, safe space for her was what she needed in the moment, and living “in the moment” with your child is what mindful parenting is all about.